The Tao of relationships

The Tao of Relationships

Relationships are the happiness of life, relationships are the sorrow of life, be it parents, life partner, friends. However, relationships are also hard to maintain. The ride can be quite jerky and uncomfortable at times, even can throw one off the seat. Otherwise, wouldn't sibling, parents with children, husband and wife, would all be living happily together, enjoying life.
The villains in this beautiful love story are not those who seem. Quarrels are not relationship breakers, bad handling of quarrels are. Quarrels can be the spice of the curry, the downs before the ups. Quarrels are natural, part of the game, tails of the coins, no relationship without differences, arguments etc. The thing is getting over them, letting them be the safety valves, letting them strengthen the relationship rather than weaken it.
The Tao is in understanding, putting yourself in the others’ shoes, trying to realize how the other would feel, how would react in his place.
The Tao is putting your ego beneath your foot. Just because you think so, it doest happen that way necessarily. Crush your ego and anger and let the good sense prevail. You may also be wrong, once in a while. Also capitulation even when you are not wrong would not make ypu smaller, but will make the other one realize soon the faalcy of his own and his stubbornness (like yours). In human relationships, do not dwell upon ‘Rightness’ of your view and ‘Wrongness’ of others. It doesn’t happen that way. There is no absolute rightness etc in human thinking and feeling, one feels what he feels in a certain situation, it’s that way. Further, instead of any medal or certificates for being right, it’s your relationship and consequently your happiness and peace at stake.
Further, quarrels are not caused by the momentary cause, but built over the time, over many things, many bad physical and mental experiences, in short fatigue and stress, as well as lack of sleep and other things. Also don’t ever fall into the vicious cycle of “I did this, because you did that, because I did that, because you did this, because you had to do so, and because I had to do this……blah…blah.” It’s a long chain reaction with no beginning and no end. The end is in forgiving and forgetting, in short flushing it. A long term memory of such things is also a long suffering one.
Again, never ever, ever, attach motives to action of others as suits your mindframe. Do not be in a hurry to judge anyone. Actions are a result of situations and mindframes of that moment. Like you they also are made of clay. Some virtues and some weakness. You won’t find a very good person or a very bad one. It’s your POV, which makes it look like that. Common, don’t take yourself so seriously.
Don’t let your ‘Excellent’ judgment and ‘Virtuous’ opinion spoil your life. Do not stress upon pulling the strings in a relationship, the fun is in letting go. Lay down the weapons. No kingdoms to be won here. Gaining is in giving. You are good, others are good, and everyone is good.
Spread love, receive love. Give respect, gain respect. Spread happiness, gain happiness.

Finally, Kabir said, “Sees utare bhuin dhare, taa pe rakhe paanv, Das Kabira yon kahe, aisa hoye to aav” (Crush your ego and embrace love.)

Remember, Life is very short, and not to be wasted in bickering and dwelling upon and stretching the bad times.
Cherish the good times.
Make every time a good time.
This is the Tao.
The Tao of relationships.